Are you self-sabotaging?

Published on 26 March 2024 at 14:00

Have you ever found yourself struggling with procrastination, where you continuously put off tasks you want or need to accomplish? You might notice that, for some inexplicable reason, you lack the motivation to start, often ending up distracted by internet browsing or other activities. In such instances, I recommend delving deeper into the root of this behavior by repeatedly asking "why" until you reach the core of the issue.

 

For example, a year ago from now, despite I had so much time after work and had things to do, I did not feel motivated enough to start doing, and ended up browsing my phone for hours everyday, knowing this was completely waste of my time. It was also dark and cold in Feberuary, which made me feel really mild depression… It was struggle because differnet parts of me really want to do those tasks. 



Let me introduce the concept of “self sabotage”  (check out this video

 

According to Carl Jung, the renowned Swiss psychologist, self-sabotage is driven by  “the shadow” within your subconcious mind. This shadow stores unwanted aspect of yourself that  undermine your goals, hinder your success, or your well-being. Even when you genuinely desire to achieve certain goals, this shadow can still hold you back. The solution to this is to integrate your shadow or unconsciousness to conscious level and discover what lies beneath its surface.

 

Why this is important to you? As Jung pointed out, the first step is to identigy "the shadow" and acknowledge its existence. Recognizing your behavioral patterns and delving deeper to understand what prevents you from taking action is crucial. Once you've found out this aspect of yourself, it's essential to accept it as a part of who you are.

 

After the first step is done, I suggest you start making actions with those 3 steps ; repragramming your mindset, visualizing to do list, and aiming to take steps without getting caught up in perfectionism.  I will explain those 3 steps. 



Repragramming your mindset : Once you notice your behavioral pattern and uncovered root cause of your issue or challenges, it is important that you reshape the story that you have been telling to yourself. For example, you are looking for a new job because you crave for a new challenge, but yet you find yourself hesitating when it comes to applying for positions. At first you blame yourself for being lazy but upon close self-analysis, you realized your subconscious mind had the fear that you might end up in a similar situation where your personal growth stalls.  However, it's essential to recognize that this narrative isn't necessarily an accurate reflection of reality. In the new environment, there's room for growth and development. Reprogramming your mindset entails acknowledging your fear of potential stagnation while reminding yourself that this fear is being created and told in your mind. It's an opportunity to approach your responsibilities from a different perspective, one that embraces change and new challenges.



Visualizing to do list: Visualization is another key. Often our goal ends in “be successful” in high level but not tactical level. The more abstract it is, the more your brain gets lost what to do. Your job is to break down your high level goal to tactical level in which you can take actions. Once you have done, you can list down even daily to do list. Whether the night before or the morning, you list out what to do on the day and cross it when you finish. It is such a nice feeling when you made it too ! 



Aiming to take steps without getting caught up in perfectionism : Sometimes, you often want to do perfectly. You list down your to do list, and may able to check all the boxes for a few days. Then you start being lazy, and feel a bit overwhelmed while looking at your to do list, which makes you more being lazy. You start even not creating your to do list anymore. As mentioned above, first you need to analyze yourself what the root cause is and figure out what you are fearful deeply. This is the approach where mind influences your thought and behavior. Another approach would be to change your behavior by doing little by little. Take your baby step until you feel it becomes your routine and run as auto pilot. This is another approach where behaviour would influence your thought then mind. Once you are confident that you are no longer lazy, then you start omitting your negative thinking and deep emotions. Having said that, I am huge believer of identifying the root cause first. Some people prefer to talk and think with others at the same time, while others prefer to think internally and process by themselves or talk with others. Either way, my recommendation is do the work by yourself, then it is nice to have an objective advice. Here is another video about the book called “Atomic habit” which inspires me when I did not feel like doing what I had to do everyday. 

 

Here is the video link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ7lDrwYdZc

And link to the book https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits

 

In my own experience, I returned to my parents' home after feeling unmotivated, and my mother encouraged me to create a to-do list and adopt a gradual, step-by-step approach. This marked the beginning of a transformation in my behavior, and over time, I noticed a shift in my mindset as well. These three steps became my go-to method for maintaining routines. Admittedly, there are occasions when I am off from my routine for a few days, but I've found these tools which help me return to a state of productivity and satisfaction.