Have you ever been or are you currently in a place where you lost confidence, which leads less appetite for challenge because you believe consciously or subconsciously that you cannot do it?
It’s not just you—losing confidence can be a major barrier to advancing in your career.
I first experienced this during my MBA. Although I spoke fluent English in casual conversations, I hadn't lived abroad but felt confident in my language skills. However, once classes began, I was surrounded by peers who spoke almost like native speakers and were adept at expressing their opinions and arguing effectively—skills I wasn't accustomed to. I found it challenging to follow the conversations; by the time I formulated a response, the discussion had already moved on. I felt overwhelmed and, after a few classes, I began to make excuses for why I was struggling.
It is true that as speaking the second language in business context was hard, but when I look back my mind secretly gave up to catch up on those speed and justify why I could not push myself further. It does not matter other people tried to help me, because I had narrative in deep down that I cannot do it and kept dwelling on it.
You might find similar stories where people keep complaining about work, but they do not make action to solve issue, nor leave the environment. They just stay and complain regardless of advice you give them.
Psychologically, it is normal for human being to keep staying in the comfort zone and not to change ourselves and our behaviour. That is why we often think we want to change our behaviour, ourselves or environment, but your core mind is not wanting to do it and your action does not follow your thought.
So what could be the solution here ?
- Observe the current situation, and identify what really is the root cause ? and challenge your thought
- For me, the belief that “I can’t do it” stemmed from worrying about others’ opinions. I feared saying something stupid and being judged, but the reality is that most people don’t remember every detail of what others say. Even if you think your opinion sounds foolish, remember that every opinion matters.
- Imagine what is the goal and experience the feeling you might have
- “I want to contribute to business discussions as confidently as others. I can speak English, so language isn’t the issue, and I have the intellect to think critically. I want to feel accomplished and make this confidence feel natural.” ”
- Take a small step and build up confidence"
- It’s okay to begin by sharing simple thoughts or reading prepared statements. With each step, your confidence will grow, and you’ll be able to contribute more effectively over time.
If you don’t take these steps, you might remain stuck and continue to complain. While there’s nothing wrong with this, you’re reading this because you want to grow but are unsure how. Sometimes, a coach can provide the guidance you need to navigate this journey.